Journal 77: Pressure from Parents

Yes, i have had lots of pressure from my parents. I don't know if it is just me or is it that my parents really meant it, they gave me alot of emotional pressure. They would say something that you hate to hear it. They never really released any physical pressure such as forcing me away from a club or anything. What they do is that they would constantly say little things about you and make you so irritated about something that in the end you will do it just for them to shut the fuck up.
The only problem and biggest prerssure im getting from them now is probably SAT. I know that they spent so much money for me to run around the world and spending all their time on me, they probably would want me to come back with a good score. But, im just now a test person, i suck at tests, i can know a whole lot but once you put it all in test form, i lost track of what i was saying and all my knowledge. Sigh, they always put pressure on the things they know i can't do, and never the things i really like. I love taekwando, but they never really showed any affection for it even when im at the very top. They just said, well you know that fcking watever watever kid can cook a cake. i was like, fck, seriously? My mom and dad probably don't know me really well, i don't know, but at least they're now giving me too much pressure.

Journal 76: White Lie

I'd say it depends on the person and situation. I suppose when Colonel Sartoris lied to Miss Emily is because she was utterly hopeless. Without a job, without a family, without friends, she basically had nothing. If she was not lied about the tax thing, she will probably be broke and end up in jail for not paying.
White lie is, although we should all be truthful, acceptable. If you don't know how to white lie, you might end up without friend. You always need to lie in some degree to save some dignity for the person instead of just saying " you are god dam ugly" That is just kind of too much for a person. When someone asks you a obvious question that is probably a negative answer, you will want to say what they want to hear. I admit, this might be something that is in the asian culture and not in the american or whatever world. This is in some degree a social skill in out history to be all humble and stuff to avoid getting people mad.
I white lie to people too, its a process that is inevitable that you will do it to maintain your social position.

Journal 60: Think About…

first, the civil war started with the abolition of slavery. The North wanted to ban slavery and the south wants it so they can make more money. North didn't really need slavery, so of course its easy for them to say we don't want it. With the South, people needed slavery a whole lot. The plantations are hard work that requires a lot of labor force.
Then we have the american writers writing about the events that happened during the civil war. Crane wasn't born that time, but reading stories and interviewing the veterans gave him a general idea of what happened.
Next is Realism. The basic characteristics of Realism are: detailed information and reality in comprehensive detail, characters are more important than plot, ethical choices are subjects of the literature, class is important, events are usually plausible, and diction is natural. 
Naturalism got big in the 1980s where writers focused on philosophical and scientific principles. 

Journal 71: Historical Influences

Ok, so i looked at the timeline, and three event came into my mind to be particular impacting. The Titanic, world war 1, and the feminist movement, well potentially the panamal canal. The panamal canal helped ended the great depression that's for sure. THen there is the all tragic story of the Titanic. Its so romanticised that it is to the point of disgusting in the movie. The beautiful ship was all dramatic and stuff at the current time i suppose.
Then World War 1 is definitely impacting for the society. Having so many people fighting each other and people all over the world to be dying is quite intense. The suffering and the amount of death and trench warfare is unbelievable.
The feminist movement of political rights is a modern idea that no men would be crazy enough to propose such idea to the society. All political positions was being held by men all the time in history. Nothing suggested women to be in charge. So when women pushed for their political and voting rights, that must have been pretty devastating to people.

Journal 75: Shadow of the Past

Emily is influenced by her past in multiple ways. The status of her family influenced her life in a significant way seeing that she could avoid the law and live above it. Then there is the past of her dad and how she couldn't walk over the fact that his dad. She still clings on to the only male present that she have experienced before.
Next is her own family and the town's pride. The family probably wouldn't want her to be dating a yankee so does the town. That's why they contacted her cousin to persuade her to dump the Yankee. They are a high up society class that thinks they are better than everyone. To have one in a whole family to do such a thing is just against the norm of the family.
The town wouldn't want such a thing to happen as well since they were the south and the Yankees are the North. The town want all the women in be marry adn have lots of children. However, they want those to be southerner children rather than some Yankee children.

Journal 74: Poetry’s Social Function

Poetry is not bad or anything, its just that its hard to understand for some people and that kids find it annoying to evaluate something complicated. Its definitely not deteriorating, its just modern kids are finding it hard to appreciate it. However, the older people are getting more and more interested in poetry than kids. It oculd be said that poetry is experiencing a shift of interest between age groups. The poems nowadays are getting more and more interesting as it is connected to songs or creating a sort of rhythm that's like a song. In this manner, poetry are getting more and more interesting for people. Such as when you look at the poems conducted during that poet show that you showed us. So many people was interested in the poems that was proposed because humor and focus on the societal problems are being used in them. In difference from the imagists or something like that, we have focused on that before, so we don't care. For me, i like to do or create something that attacks people's idea or view on something. It might not necessarily be shocking, but my ideas are like the poems that were read aloud, to shock and inform people of a idea. (i went to look at more poems on the show and this is what i find)

Journal 73: No Ideas But In Things

no, there should no limit in anything. Art, have no limits, and so should poetry. Poetry is influential to both art and literature. The poems of the imagists are pure simple words. They are there to provide the reader with a simple picture in mind such as the red barrel. Nothing else. With a similar idea going on that time, it is the architecture principle of less is more. I suppose one way or the other the idea was influencing the two groups, literature and art. In art, it was having the minimal of all things. Cutting out the extra and making something plain and simple. In the way the imagist writes, it is the same concept of how their ideas and words hace the same idea. The poems that was written by the imagists was strip from the glamorous adjectives that some other writers would include like J.K Rowling. Everything is bare to the very core, telling you a tale of a red barrel.

Journal 72: War and Economics

so, we're basically still at war, except not big wars. We are having a economic downfall or recession at almost all places such as Europe, America, still in Africa and some eastern countries. Asia and Muslims are infact getting really really rich. I suspect in the next few years, the main business will be Asia and all the money and people will be flowing there. Although alot of people in China are corrupt, they will probably get the most money.
Other thing at this time period is religious war. It's more of a country hating the other country where America just hated the Iraqs. The only way said to eliminate this hate is to bomb the other country to shred such as Mecca. Well, bombing Mecca is letting them become traumatized. I will gladly walk infront of the person who thought about this idea and slap them. This is a condemnation to people's faith and to the God. In fact, what worries me more is that right after this, it will launch the world into like a World War 1 and 2 combine.
Full range nuclear war of mass destruction going bombing everywhere. Muslims will grab their shotgun and kill every white dude or even asian people on the street. The whole world would be in complete and total chaos.

Journal 69: Make It New

this quote i believe definitely have something to do with modernism in the art field. Modern art could basically be classified as anything adn everything. a color or a splatch of paint if named right and have a concept that could support its existence can be named right there, on the spot, art.
This could be such a long journal espacially when i dont want to write a long journal now ~"~
art is the process where one creates order and stability out of chaos. When you make art, you created something of your own representaiton through the chaos of life. When i make art, i'm always happy, why? because instead of using words where someone might question you and might attack you in public. You get to make you point from a picture that you drew that can worth a million words. It communicates to people in all sorts of different ways and no explanation might be needed for specific pieces. Of course if you created a abstract art form or somethng like Barnet newman, i suppose you might have to explain why that color on your painting is art.
Art is the best thing in the world which allows people to express themselves in any way. Words in a book or a written message requires one to have a basic knowledge of the language. art just require well, basically nothin, its a simple expressive use of hand or anything you have on your body.

Journal 62: Romantics v Realists

i can't really say i see any difference in the writings for now since i only saw the silk stocking and john profrock. I suppose the realists are really much more concern of their current situations. The subjects and the writings of their time are also concern with societal problems occuring in the world. The silk stocking story talks about the gender role and the insights of a woman at that time without revealing what it is actually about. If it weren't for the talking in class and searching up online for ideas, i would not have thought about how its talking about the thoughts of escaping reality.
In Prufrock's story, we also get a glimpse of a person's mind right before he shifts out of reality. His consicous waver between the idea of escaping the reality and expierencing something new and adventurous. He hears the mermaid and the voice in his head tempting him to try something. He hesitates and wonders on if he should do it over and over again. Its another glimpse of the mindset of someone just like the silk stocking story.

Journal 65: You’ve Come a Long Way, Baby

A whole lot have changed, in fact, i believe we are now even losing men's rights now. Men are like the pets and slaves of woman. Think about the social class of men nowadays. Women can have multiple men chasing them and they are consider hot. When a man have multiple women chasing him, we are then considers as heartbreakers or flowery heart. I dont know how to translate that.
If we have a divorce, we men hacve to pay for their living while we also have to keep the kids. Women expects us to pay for all of their expenses and have to baby talk to them before sleep. We have to tolerate all of their anger and misbehavior simply because they can and we can't.
If we do something that is against they get to complain day and night and we man will be called jerks
seriously, where are men's rights nowadays. If you think about it, men really are descending the social staircase of equality.

Journal 70: Social Influences – Entertainment

entertainments that are provided nowadays are basically what i like to call, unlimited. our entertainments range from watching tv for all day or grab a backpack and go out to see the world. With the modern transportation and conveniance for our lives, we can entertain ourselves in every possible way that you basically imagine and we have it. Problem is that you have to have the money to do all that good entertainment you desire.
I suppose the 1940s have a very limited amount of entertainment that they can enjoy compare to the ones we have nowadays. However, i feel that because their our so many entertainment in the 20th century, it makes communicating and trying out new things to be a really scary and unparticipated activity for people.
If you ask someone would you go outside and look at the world or watch your tv on a saturday, i bet they will say they want to stay home and watch tv.
The entertainment in the 1940s i believe have alot of nature. nature wasn't as damaged as severely as today's environment. I believe that they have much more diversity as in nature participation activities.

Journal 68: What’s His Problem?

im basically going to give a summary of what this story means to my perspective as a whole or with lines that i still remember because i find this story extremely interesting and i feel i could learn something from it cuz its so philosophical in some terms.
On the surface context, it eludes to Prufrock growing old, his not sure if he should try out something that is totally new. His afraid if he walks down the path (descending the staircase) the woman on top of the stair case would talk shit about him such as how his bold and how skinny he is.
In discussion of this part, its as if his crippled and weak. To find courage in challenging something brand new is frightening and quite mysterious or even dangerous for people. At Prufrock's age which i assume at this time is not so young since his bold is even more exciting and dangerous. There is saying that when someone tries something new, its as if his walking into a ocean tide, like a tsunami where the wind is strong, tide furious and his future a great unknown. I figure my way of thinking him walking into a huge wave of unknowns is the samw assumption in the later part of the story as he have his trousers high.
In other multiple senses, besides the story of him leaping into something new, the time period is a consideration.
He says that he is drowning in the bottom of ocean when his awake with the colorful things. His out in the surface in his sleep where he sees black and white. This time period is just after the colorful lives of the traditional paintings. Modernism is full of conceptual and expressionistic ideas that is unlike anything the past have ever seen. They cut away the glamorous and the pretty color to soemthing crazy and nto colorful. SOmetimes a piece of work could be a few simple color splached on top of the canvas. As for literature, i saw one of the poems in this time period in class. They cut out all the other lines into thin slabs of two lines. That was all it takes.
Rejection of the "More" quality is the trend of modernism, this might be alluding back to the ocean color theory that Prufrock was talking about.
All the other stuff i have said it in class about the society moving forward and he sees colleagues transforming while he stays the same.

Journal 67: The American Dream

bascically, i forgot all about the american dream back when the time i have U.S history. For the L.S Elliot story, i don't really see how that have to do with rejecting the traditional ideas. Actually, putting into some thoughts on concept wise, i think i kind of found what's new with this style.
THe American dream and modernism is a time that rejects the traditional. New things are being found such as in art. Expressionism was pushed into even more abstract terms that eventually ended up with a whole new category called Modern Art.
Art was thought as more concept wise. The representation can mean many things but what is the fundamental idea that is bwhind the artwork? that is what was important. Art in the 20th century promoted people and wanted people to think.
I figured this story we're reading right now did made alot of people think. Like me, i was suddenly interested at it once i understand he used. Since this jumping out of reality and taking a leap was a idea that concerning my mind for so long, this story was a push for me to think about new things.

Journal 66: Better Things?

frantically, i agree. I could see the ideas behind her words and questioning if the advance of technology really did brought men forward in society. We're moving so fast and so many things can take care of our concerns that alot of the qualities at that time was forgotten. If it is not forgotten, then it is that we have no place to demonstrate that quality.
For example, courage. How do we demonstrate courage in nowadays? i really have no idea. In the old times, we could probably face a bear in a jungle alone. Now? we get to face a dragon in video games or cars in the streets. So where did all the bears went? dead, driven away deeper and deeper in the woods and eventually we never see them again.
Then we have the fact that technology have shortened the attention span of modern kids. I can even feel that kids nowadays are getting dumber and duller. Why? i walk around the lower school back in my old school and i see kids holding a itouch or psp playing games the whole time. All you have to do is take a hand held device and sit down the whole time. What happened to sports? thinking creatively for new games with nature? running and catching bugs? none. All of this was taken away by technology. Technology is so big and conveniant in the 21th century that have forced people to become dull in sense, dull in mind, and dull in heart. They have abandoned the interaction with nature and thinking. They took up handheld devices that asks them to sit down in a chair doing nothing but clicking buttons.
People in the ancient times didn't have all thses devices to do their works for them. They had to think out of the box and use their actual hands to try out and experiment with different things. That, promoted learning and critical thinking. These psp and itouch games doesn't. If you say that they promote fast thinking through playing games, i wouldn't agree. I beleive that a week in the wilderness can sharpen your senses. A month in the wilderness taught you life lessons. Appreciation for life, physical strength and a healthy mind. I believe in the romantic heroes not because of the beautiful characteristics, that's too much idealization. I admire those things because it is what actually will be useful in life and the environment at that time actually sharpen a person's whole body.
What would be best i believe now, is to have the same free thinking concepts and conceptual philosophy of the 21st century and a combination of pure nature. That, would most likely bring a totally new human race as the physical reality challenges people while our mindsets are free .

Journal 64: A Reprieve

totally did, the escape to reality idea i had it all along. I will repeat myself again, i am a man of total freedom, i dont believe that anything can hold me back for doing something. Why? probably because i was rasied that way i suppose. My mom and dad taught me to be independent and do everything myself, simply because alot of times my mom would let me down. Well thats another side factor, mainly because they taught me to be independent.
After numerous times of failed extreme friendship, i became more and more isolated and stick to my own ways of doing things. I could sense the change in me myself. My interaction with people could be easy and smooth, but to go too in depth is something i decided to avoid. Its not that i'am afraid to get hurt or that kind of crap, its that i find it better to stay just knowing, that way you won't feel embarassed or annoyed by some of my other actions. Better for me, better for you
So back to the topic, funny, i was thinking about isolation this weekend. I was imagining what my 18th birthday would be like. Host a party in a motel? go out with a few friends? watch a movie?
No. What i really wanted to do lately, is to jump on a scooter. A harley davidson size scooter of my art teacher's and ride the coastline all the way to nanliao and drink some coffee alone. Enjoying the day all by myself, having a adventure of my own self and thinking about things. Life, what i want to do, stare into space and just enjoy music or meet someone new when im traveling.
its really  quite simpler to go out to the coastline and just ride and feel the wind without needing to say anything. You can chill, not afraid of any awkardness between people. I can stare into space and think about life. Im serious, i think deep nowadays. I might be young but i think about these philosophic things alot. I find it quite, captivating and interesting as i think about it more, the more it makes sense to me.
I want isolation at my 18th birthday, riding out on my own and just relax. Stroll away from art, stroll away from family, stroll away from highschool stroll away from everything and just think about life and enjoy time alone.

Journal 63: On Impulse

Well, i kind of have lots of impulse in lots of times. Either it is a buying impulse or like a adolesence sex impulse, which this happens alot of times. For example, you walked down the street and you see this very slutty girl showing off her ass or her boobs in a very showy manner. I just want to run up to her and pull her pants off or rip her shirt in half and feast on those tasty missiles. Things like this happens to me all the time. 

There are also impulses such as beating someone up you know. You walk down the street, someone just look really really unappealing to you walks y you and i just hate them so much i wish i could wipe them off the face of the earth. 

There are also some other times where Julius would do something really retarded where he knows i hate him and not found of him and he would do something that shows asif we're bros. I would slap his arm off and say F off, he would go like bitch... Those are the moments where i will go full burst and beat the crap out of him. 

His retarded comments most of the time really can piss me off to the absolute anger point. That, is something im trying to hold back. 

Journal 61: Mystery of Heroism

so yeah, the guy killed himself.
there is no set definition for the word heroism. The definition varies from person to person. I beleive a hero is one who is unrestrained of their emotions and do what's right. However the thing is, the characterisitics changes for different situations. You might be a hero with this specific mind set of yours at this time, but when it comes to another time, you're not so much a hero anymore. You might even be consider a fool. Another fact or idea behind the idea of heroism is the purpose of one's heroic actions. Your mind and what you motivation is might determine the fact of if you will be consider a hero.

Fred Collin started with just wanted to drink water. With the idea and stupid mind of the other people, he became more compelled to run out there and get some water for himself. Crowd efffect does have a influential effect on him i believe. The pressure that his getting from his comrades pushed him to run out there to get water. Its like he did a dare to get water by running himself through the valley of death.

I try to be a hero in various situations. I might wanted to lead a team or help people. however, i dont know why, they consider me as an joke where i did all the things that was asked for. When someone else do exactly the things i did, they were consider a hero or a fantastic figure. This is totally SHIT, absolultely shit that i hate when they do something like this. I dont understand the logic behind the idea that i can do things for free and good but not be praised or considered a hero. Then some other fucker comes in and do the same work i did and they got all the praise of the good guy. I hated that feeling, it makes me wanna kill everyone in the world and yell fuck you bitch. this reaction of the people is slowly pushing me off sane and i dont really want to help and be the hero anymore.
this is exactly why i feel extremely tired around people in the schools specially our class. I retreated from most of the presences because the girls in our class are seriously just a bunch of selfish cock sucking son of a bitches. I give up, i truly am, i've decided to sit back and watch the world burn if it realy happens. These fews years of experience have melted all my faith in young people. they are selfish, unconcerning, judgemental, and i could list off a whole bunch of things that i hate about these girls and people my age. I'm done communicating with these small minded creatures.

Journal 59: A Change of Heart

With the war going on, i think no one had the heart to look at all that nature anymore. Looking at the pictures, its quite evident that people are focusing their view on the war and the harsh life. The workers conditions are being shown and the racial differences might be implied as well? Not sure. The factory and nature was no longer something that was debated anymore, instead people put their focus on hard labor. From what i learned in Art history, the people focused on the class difference. Realism look at the hard side of life, trying to show and give people an idea what is the actual world.
Gritty and dirty brushstrokes covered the canvas for the sense of dirty and actual life. Nothing was idealized and innocence in life anymore. Lots of artists point the class difference where the rich are occupying and the poor had such harsh life. They begin wanting a change in life.
I reckoned that in poetry or literature, it will shift the focus into war stories and what a battle and bleeding is like. Besides the bleeding and nature of war, i think it will also put focus on describing the poor's situation in a sort of narrative feeling.

Journal 58: I Exist

i honestly have no idea what that thing was talking about. All i can imagine is that is probably a declaration of the growth of United States have a force of power in this universe that we know right now. As this time period, the United States took over the role of the dominant country over England. It's probably like a declaration of the greatness of United States.
In the existence of men and the universe, i feel men is getting ahead of themselves. We are so puny in the whole universe and our civilization is really not that big. If we compare ourselves to any alien society, i believe we can be wipe out in a week.
Besides just the alien forces, the power of nature holds infinite possibility for us to go wrong. The change in the tide, a simple tsunami or earthquake can bring a whole country down. Sometime nature of other outside forces are not even needed to bring the whole civilization down. The World War 1 and 2 can kill millions of our own species and the distrust in the great depression starved thousands of people to death. The death rate and crime in middle eastern countries are so significant that we are killing ourselves.
It's depressing the realize these cruel facts of human beings.

Journal 57: Free Write

so i actually started this journal on sunday night, because i really have no idea on what i should write about my recent life. Life is slowly getting back on its feet and i feel like i have a start. Love to me is like my energy source. If love goes bad, then my whole luck goes bad. So i recently got back with my ex ex from 4 years ago and i feel everything is pretty stable and going well for me. My inspirations for art are just flowing like a flood. My homework and tests got me enthusiastic once again and i can really feel the aura for studying since im studying everyday with her now.
But the reason i really wanted to start this journal today and now on monday is because i feel the need to jot down my dream.
if you remember what happened at my last free write, i talked about that mysterious girl i met in my dream. That so realistic dream where she appeared and we kissed and had this whole thing going. Well, she appeared again in my dream this afternoon after i went sweeping my ancestor's graves.
I transferred to another school for sometime already. Then one day, she was the new weird hot girl that came into our class. This time, i didn't have any love thing going with her but rather a adventure of venturing into a dark kind of scary place. The whole story is pretty long but i'm just shocked at how the same girl came up again, is this really a dream telling my future?

Journal 56: Power

The narrator had to wear blood red dresses to show their status in life. THey care called the handmaids, limited life area and secluded from other people. They are basically sex slave guarded by angels outside of the gym that the narrator is living. Besides that, The one person among the maids that have power is probably the aunt. It seems like the aunt would regulate the handmaid's works. They are probably the lowest social class in the book from the amount of information that i have now. They can't be trusted with guns and are constantly watched.
Their time of staying outside is being timed and watched all the time, which is pretty dam sad.
I feel as if i have pretty much control on what iw ant to do. I live outside alone, as long as i maintain my grades, i can do almost anything. Well, i don't drink i don't smoke and i certainly don't go clubbing, anything besides that, i can do.
I can decide what i want to eat everyday, when to start my work. I can decied when to sleep, what art i like to create. I can decide what kind of friend i want to have and when i want to go home. I get control over my sister so yeah, I'm living pretty dam well good. 

Journal 55: Public Speaking

i like public speaking alor actually since i liek to be in the center of attention. Standing on the stage kind of scares me since i don't have that much expierence to give like a well educated speech and stuff. I suppose just reading something on the stage like today's poetry contest is pretty easy since you just read a poem. However, if they could actually read their poem in a interesting manner like how the poets in one of the poet society show says them, that then would be extremely interesting and well appraised. I can't do that, im not manipulated enough and well experience in these really showy speeches. Im really afraid that people would thinkm im boring and fall asleep you know. That's one of the reason i screwed up my speech for vice president. Sigh, oh well, I'm not running for that again next year, too much work and people just won't listen to what i have to say. So~screw the presidency of the student council.
I really like performing in front of people, it makes me feel at ease since im really showy and acting alot of crap whenever i have time. It still nervous me though when i really have to do it in front of everybody. A sense of uncertainty regarding my performance will make me feel uneasy on the stage.

Journal 54: Nature’s Nature

Yes, nature is extremely nurturing and helpful but it is extremely fragile at the same time. Nature is like a human life, we are nurtured, sweet, smart, innovating and all that but fragile. Compare human beings to any animal, we have soft tender bodies. We have no claws or fur or nimble body that can do all kinds of crazy things. Nature is sweet and nurturing and can do all kinds of things, however it can also be easily destroyed. Nature grows and evolve and so does humans grow and evolve.
Nature care and makes human survival possible. In some ways nature nurtures human! Human nurture their babies and loved ones as well.
Nature creates, Humans creates as well. They are both fragile, but can be really like revolutionary, i really don't know the word im using. However, my point is that they can both create new things and evolve into something out of the norm in this world.
As the earth is slowly dying right now, the ability to transform and adapt is what is crucial. These two fragile beings have the most potential in changing and adapting.

Journal 53: Slanted Truth

the actual truth in life is sometimes hard for some people. For example, when your best friend's gf or bf is having an affair, you don't know if you should tell them the actual truth of not. The truth hurts, that's why Dickenson says that it should be released out for people slowly and slowly or else it will completely blind the people.
It's hard to define if its telling a lie or not, it blurs. You could tell the truth around it or say it in riddles but its still the truth. Unless you distorted what is actually being said, it shouldn't be considered as a lie.
I rather people tell me the truth. The faster you feel and know the pain the faster i can get over it. When you run around something in circles, it gets people curious and wondering. The suspicion rises and conflicts will happen.
In the role of the poem of telling truths in life and not relationship wises, tell it slant. Its like art movements, its takes time for a society to learn and adapt to the new style of art. For example is nudity and the subject of sex. Its a truth in life that sex is evident and people like it in life. Its a nature of life, however the people at this time period couldn't conceive it down as something simple and true. They thought it is exotic and disgusting.

Journal 51: Pessimism

She have a desperate and a sad sad life my friend. This is a period where women are looked down upon and basically have no rights. Dickenson completely excluded herself from the world outside and lived secluded from all things. Her poems are like a direct reflection of her life. She was never in a good relationship with a man, partly because she always fall in love for some older guys or something. She would be in sorrow and great pain looking at her loved ones be off somewhere else instead of being with her. Let us face it, she is not looking pretty at all.
I'm a optimistic person, I am not easily changed into a guy that thinks in a pessimistic way. I live with joy and happiness around people. I can make myself occupied with something fun to do or imagine a completely new adventure story i could be having and feel excited.
I get pessimistic when i have specific beverages, but aside from that, heart broken probably is the only thing that can make me pessimistic. The start of the year, everything collapsed like a domino on top of me and i was just completely overwhelmed by everything that happened. I couldn't take it at all and my heart burst into flames. I condemn couples, hated bros and question friends. I expected the worst from everything even when i was riding a elevator to be stuck. Nothing was working out for me at the start of the year man.

Journal 52: Hopes?

No, the hope in this poem of wanting her man to come back early is fairly common in literature. I can understand the hope and despair that she is experiencing.However, it does feels really pessimistic and give the feeling of how   she will never see the man coming back. Of all the stanzas, only 1 of them have a optimistic view where his coming back quite soon. The other stanzas stretches the time longer and longer and the descriptions becomes desperate. She'll wind the months into balls and slowly knit them or something. This is like saying i have to finish all these yarns, do you know how long its going to take to use up one yarn? Then the next thing comes where she say she will count until her fingers drop. The idea of the motion and endless time just pains me and how i feel if i have to wait for someone like that. Next, she mentions Ven Dieman land. This bazarre and exotic place off in the sea is somewhere a guy will mostly likely never be back, or until you are 70 years old and you finally got a message that he died. The last one basically mean i will see you in the next life, hopefully. The amount of time and the possibility of meeting again is tiny unless you are so destined to be together. I feel the despair and the sorrow in the whole poem. I cannot imagine by most cherished and loved one to leave me off like this to some far away place.

Journal 50: The Soul

I........ this is a really painstaking question for me now. Since i just recently been through another stage of having to re evaluate my friendship with alot of people you know. You start by getting to know a person or wanting to know a person through you feelings toward them, do you like them at first glance or no. Them, you start chatting with them and try to get to know them better at the things they do or the things they like. If that went well and you feel really connected, you want to talk and hang out with them more. If not, then you just might not be in contact anymore then.
I pick friends with soul before, if i don't like you, i won't talk to you at all unless you come talk to me be yourself. If i like you or if my soul thought you might be interesting, i will be 10 clicks beside you once i see you. I will try to associate myself with you. Then, i will determine if my mind likes you as well. If i do, we might ended up chatting and be really good friends or just know each other and chat for some time.
If all goes well, i will just put you on my bro list, be at your back and supporting you at all times.
I know how people are and how they would backstab you, but i just can't resist the urge of shutting myself up from the other people. I always ended up fully supporting them and they just kind of took it for granted. there's just so much stuff to talk about with this issue i dont want to write it anymore, i get all emo and stuff so yeah.

Journal 50: Tanka Poem

Big Black Caves Everywhere
dark, sharp, sparkly brown pillars all around me
lost and lonely inside
hopelessly searching the exit
forever lost here


Surrounding me
trees smile and wave at me happily
leaves fly and twirl
the presence of nature
is everywhere next to me

Deep in the ocean blue
a mysterious land
where mermaids swim
lobsters party and fish dance
remains strange to human beings

Journal 48: Haiku

this oughta be the hardest god dam journal of the year

Right on my desk now
is a full week of homework
but too tired to write

staring at the gleaming cloud
at the obsidian sky
is a big bird flying

shuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu the big tree waved
secluded in a big mountain
feels lonely by itself

Journal 47: Real or Romantic? Journal 47: Real or Romantic? Journal 47: Real or Romantic?

The industrial revolution was a time of great changes and workers suffered greatly during that time. I believe that Whitmun's poem romanticize their lives. They were suffering in this period, they needed a change in the working conditions. However, Whitmun did supported the fact that whatever they're doing, its of honest works. Through these honest works where they earn honest pay. They can live happily while in harsh conditions. The harsh environment that the workers face were not described in Whitmun's poem. Whitmun talks about the joy as people work on their daily routine and daily lives. I believe that the people must have loved their work, but in realistic terms, a change was needed. 

After the period of Whitmun's poem, things gets serious as the realist movement progresses. With artists such ass Courbet and Daumier rising in fame and demanding a change, the industrial revolution evolved. People looked at the hard honest labor of the ordinary and appreciated their works. To some extent, Whitmun's poem also celebrated this aspect for the appreciaiton of the laborers. 

Journal 46: Work Songs

honest works means honest money. Whitemun puts his emphasis on the common people so that his poems can be read by the commons and be appreciated by the majority of people. America was in the times of Industrial Revolution. Labor were a major part of life and the working class are having to work harder and harder to keep their jobs. The working conditions were poor as hell as people died in terrible working conditions or being injured through the process of labor.
jobs that are celebrated today in the U.S are probably like stock markets, wall street people (before) workers still take a huge role, actors, designers, artists, scientists, housewives, and alot of other jobs that i don't know. Too many to list out in a place that is so diverse and spread out nowadays. The job oppurtunities offered in the past are so little if it was to be compared to nowadays. Biochemic engineering of pyshicis and nuclear researher. The different art master and jobs in a company just out date the olod system easily.

Journal 45: Acrostic

Jason is too
Awesome for the world
Sometimes, he would eat
Oreos and milk, but
Not with hot milk.
Chocolate is his favorite food
He also thinks meat are
Extremely delicious and
Nutritous for your body.

Sue Liou

Scary in all ways
Useless at all times
Eating most of times
Laugh is very distrubing
I suffocate with her breath
OMG! you student so irresponsible
Usually you are the one irresponsible Sue.

Journal 44: Barbaric Yawp

huh? i wasn't there yet, so i basically have no idea how am i gonna continue with this journal. From what i observed in the writings of Whitmun is that he believes his poems are like something no one has ever seen. It's as if his a barbaric giving a wild swing in the orderly world. Such as how dickenson didn't like his poem because it was not traditional. The free verse that whitmun created was new and interesting to the world. With his new poem, it swept over the nation and the poetic soceity for something brand new. THe people was shocked and then admired the poems of Whitmun.
I really don't have anything to say to fill up the page of a full journal. Seirously, this one just isn't really gonna fit. I don't really like the poems they are giving out. So traditional. I like either chinese ancient poems or the newly popular free verse poems.
Honorable mention that i recently just heard was the poem shake the dust. I forgot it was by who, but it was really good as it promoted the "stop emo and teenage girl bully." the whole poem was just, i don;t know, sounds so artistic and beautiful that you just listen to it and feel the words lifting you.

Journal 43: What I Hear Singing

I lived in different times from the society that the poem was talking about. I didn't had workers working beside me joyfully throught their works, instead i have asain kids scramble through their tests and work when i was in the U.S. Luckily, i didn't had to do all that crap. Now that i compare the soceity of Taiwan and America, i realize there are some stuff that America don't have and won't hear singing about.
The beetlenut girls waving at the cars and asking to come closer.
The horns and chaos when driving in Taiwan
the shouting and cussing of the bus drivers against the taxi drivers
Parents scolding their kids to work harder and harder and eventually the sound of THOMP where they suicide. No kidding, the recent news just have another one of the kids jumped down the building. Most likely i won't have a life like that, since im living already like this.
In the U.S, im sure you would hear some news like these in Taiwan but im pretty sure not that often. From what i know of my friends doing now is joinignc clubs, enjoying high school with people and socializing. Over here, people are crumbled with the replacement test from 11th grade all the way to 12th with their parents watching over and running academy from here to there.

Journal 42: Elements of Poetry

sorry, i got no idea what to talk about in this journal. It seems that all of the things that we have been takling about for these past few days basically fill this journal up. What are the elements of a poem? the usual things, rhythm, rhyme, aliitertion, assonance, meter, vowel sounds and all that. Everything that make the whole poem rhyme or sounds good in the end is being characterize as a poem. At least that s what i think.
No matter what happnes, they always have some sorta conneciton with each other that makes up something. That's what separates poems and basic stories.
Modern songs with lyrics that are like poems have the songs and instrumental music at the back as the beat of the poem. With the songs at the back, it reinforces the beat and lyrics that its intended to display and make it into a even better poem.

Journal 41: American Poetry Today

poetry today in american life lies only in textbookds, and i believe songs. If you pay close attention or even maybe search up the meaning or full lyrics of a song, you'll find it pretty interesting and the words rather beautiful. The lyrics inside songs, even rap songs contains rhymes, and rhytems. The lyrics itself tells a story with except, not so pretty words. The beat of the music creates the tempo for the lyrics to become a poem.

Lyrics in songs such as my favorite artist, as i repeat his bascially like a freaking artist. God's personal DJ, Nujabes
his songs and lyrics is like a free verse poem with beautiful description of the magical land called music.
personal favorite song with the best lyrics - luv sic part 2 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKlkM3Qu5BM    the song lyrics are literally like a beautiful paiting in my mind. Gorgeous, absolutely goegous
and also luvc sic part 4, really nice and chill song to listen to when you go to sleep. You definitely have to go check it out. the lyrics, the tempo, and almost everything a fine crafted poem needs is inside. All that is left is the boring academic point of view that is not needed and is not in there.

Journal 40: Whitman and Dickinson

The idea that Whitman and Dickenson are trying to express are controversial. Whitman wanted to tell the world that his writings and ideas are of everywhere. He is like the representation of the average human being walking in the street. If you look under their shoe soles, its dirt, and dirt is like, everywhere so there you go. Whitman is saying that his ideas are something that is in your everyday life. It is not saying something glorious or pretty, its the stuff that we see everyday, but failed to describe it.
Dickenson expresses the opposite ideas. She's quite gloomy in her writing and so is the quote. She's trying to say that her writing is a message to the world. It's trying to either teach the world a lesson, or trying to express on a specific thought. While the idea is being presented, the world listens in silence. They do not respond to the writings of Dickenson (pretty much because she didnt publish it out, no duh) Her words are not something expressed in everyday life and we see sround us. Its something personal that she wanted to tell the people.
My message, that if im to write a poem right now might be freedom. i don't have much of a personal declaration to make with words, since im not a writer. My ideas will be expressing the freedom of speech. The decensoring of things. Why? because this is who i am. My personal statement is something of freedom and that i will express whatever i want to say and believe without fear.

Journal 39: Young Again?

Honestly, i dont think one can just simply change if they regret something. If they just regret it, they won't change. It has to come to something so significant that they would go like WOW i shouldn't have done that. A full out reckoning have to happen for them to change.
A personal example of some thing such as giving a second chance. I was actually thinking about this question over the break. Here's what happened, i had bad stomach and i can't eat for 2 days. I was freaking starving, all the stuff that i once thought as average looked sooooo good to me and how i wish i could just bite my teeth in to it. I was thinking i will try all the stuff around my house once i feel well again.
Suddenly, my stomach was feeling better. I could eat all the stuff the stuff that i once wanted and dreamed of during that time.
THEN BAM, none of that occured to me again of going around trying those food. I was like, blah, the stuff i use to eat are definitely better than the other stuffs. So then, i was back eating things like burger king again and doing the same thing before i was sick.
You see, no difference was made and everything remained the same. Simply giving a second chance will not change anyone. You have to have something so significant and life changing so that they will change forever.

Journal 38: Winter Holiday

Joy joy joy, my winter holiday was a freaking blast man. throughout the whole winter holiday, i pretty much expierenced everything. I saw all the mafias of Taiwan all together in a wedding of my uncle. I saw super models and stars in Taiwan at the wedding too.
I had so many dinner with rich people and i ate all the stuff that i have never tasted in my life before, and probably won't taste it again not for another few years.
What's more, is the trip to Japan. I can do freaking tricks up and down slopes. I have master the sow terrain in all of the black lines and enjoyed the full joy of gliding through the soft snow and lying in it. The beautiful view that i expierence when my snowboard cut through snow that is as high as to my knees and jump out into the open from the forests.
Then, i came back for a relaxing 4 days of sleep to recover from snowboarding from 9AM all the way till 9PM.
This is one of the best winter break i have ever had. Winter breaks aren't usually this fun, but this year's weekend and dinner and Japan just blew my mind.

Journal 37: Civil Disobedience

when is it good to disobey the law and authority? when it violates your BASIC rights and when it has something against your personal dogma. Basically, what im doing now is disobeying the authority that is pressuring me right now. I was to be kicked out of school for a false imformation on a community site. I had to clarify myself completely to be trusted again in the facility of the authority and pretty much i believe closely watched and monitor of what my actions are.
We live in a pretty open society in Taiwan. Look at China, they have a blocked internet, their lives are watched, any actions against the communist country is being further punished and beat. One recently known artist named Ai wei wei was the guy who openly disobey and rebel against the Chinese government with his actions.

Well, the soceity im in, or more like the facility im in right now is a blocked a closed up place. My actions was watched over outside of the authority's restriction areas and i was watched closely. It seems like my only option in disobeying the facility and authority now im in is to keep quiet and under the radar. When im free, i will speak nothing about this and pray for the other victims that have not yet been release from the terror of the surveillance camera that we once face.

Journal 36: Red Badge Film

What i find different about the movie and the book is probably nothing. I find the major events and the parts im using for my essay is pretty much all shown in the movie. starting from the part where Henry was scared about the whole war and how the guy ran in and told everyone about the marching. Seems like all the details about the book was included in the book and it was pretty well carried out.
I didnt fall asleep at the start and middle of the film, but in the end since no one was watching i got bored too.
i fell asleep in the last part and woke up when Henry carried the flag and ran. What i find was a bit different is that the psychological part of of novel was much emphasized in the movie. When i was reading the book, alot of the stuff was what Henry's mind is thinking and racing about.
 However, overall the movie was good, the sides about the psychological on Henry's mind was included and actions was allover the movie.
This isnt a movie that was made to demonstrate the mind of Henry, its more of a money production so that the guy could get even more famous and the director can make lots of money.