Journal 61: Mystery of Heroism

so yeah, the guy killed himself.
there is no set definition for the word heroism. The definition varies from person to person. I beleive a hero is one who is unrestrained of their emotions and do what's right. However the thing is, the characterisitics changes for different situations. You might be a hero with this specific mind set of yours at this time, but when it comes to another time, you're not so much a hero anymore. You might even be consider a fool. Another fact or idea behind the idea of heroism is the purpose of one's heroic actions. Your mind and what you motivation is might determine the fact of if you will be consider a hero.

Fred Collin started with just wanted to drink water. With the idea and stupid mind of the other people, he became more compelled to run out there and get some water for himself. Crowd efffect does have a influential effect on him i believe. The pressure that his getting from his comrades pushed him to run out there to get water. Its like he did a dare to get water by running himself through the valley of death.

I try to be a hero in various situations. I might wanted to lead a team or help people. however, i dont know why, they consider me as an joke where i did all the things that was asked for. When someone else do exactly the things i did, they were consider a hero or a fantastic figure. This is totally SHIT, absolultely shit that i hate when they do something like this. I dont understand the logic behind the idea that i can do things for free and good but not be praised or considered a hero. Then some other fucker comes in and do the same work i did and they got all the praise of the good guy. I hated that feeling, it makes me wanna kill everyone in the world and yell fuck you bitch. this reaction of the people is slowly pushing me off sane and i dont really want to help and be the hero anymore.
this is exactly why i feel extremely tired around people in the schools specially our class. I retreated from most of the presences because the girls in our class are seriously just a bunch of selfish cock sucking son of a bitches. I give up, i truly am, i've decided to sit back and watch the world burn if it realy happens. These fews years of experience have melted all my faith in young people. they are selfish, unconcerning, judgemental, and i could list off a whole bunch of things that i hate about these girls and people my age. I'm done communicating with these small minded creatures.