Journal 58: I Exist

i honestly have no idea what that thing was talking about. All i can imagine is that is probably a declaration of the growth of United States have a force of power in this universe that we know right now. As this time period, the United States took over the role of the dominant country over England. It's probably like a declaration of the greatness of United States.
In the existence of men and the universe, i feel men is getting ahead of themselves. We are so puny in the whole universe and our civilization is really not that big. If we compare ourselves to any alien society, i believe we can be wipe out in a week.
Besides just the alien forces, the power of nature holds infinite possibility for us to go wrong. The change in the tide, a simple tsunami or earthquake can bring a whole country down. Sometime nature of other outside forces are not even needed to bring the whole civilization down. The World War 1 and 2 can kill millions of our own species and the distrust in the great depression starved thousands of people to death. The death rate and crime in middle eastern countries are so significant that we are killing ourselves.
It's depressing the realize these cruel facts of human beings.

Journal 57: Free Write

so i actually started this journal on sunday night, because i really have no idea on what i should write about my recent life. Life is slowly getting back on its feet and i feel like i have a start. Love to me is like my energy source. If love goes bad, then my whole luck goes bad. So i recently got back with my ex ex from 4 years ago and i feel everything is pretty stable and going well for me. My inspirations for art are just flowing like a flood. My homework and tests got me enthusiastic once again and i can really feel the aura for studying since im studying everyday with her now.
But the reason i really wanted to start this journal today and now on monday is because i feel the need to jot down my dream.
if you remember what happened at my last free write, i talked about that mysterious girl i met in my dream. That so realistic dream where she appeared and we kissed and had this whole thing going. Well, she appeared again in my dream this afternoon after i went sweeping my ancestor's graves.
I transferred to another school for sometime already. Then one day, she was the new weird hot girl that came into our class. This time, i didn't have any love thing going with her but rather a adventure of venturing into a dark kind of scary place. The whole story is pretty long but i'm just shocked at how the same girl came up again, is this really a dream telling my future?

Journal 56: Power

The narrator had to wear blood red dresses to show their status in life. THey care called the handmaids, limited life area and secluded from other people. They are basically sex slave guarded by angels outside of the gym that the narrator is living. Besides that, The one person among the maids that have power is probably the aunt. It seems like the aunt would regulate the handmaid's works. They are probably the lowest social class in the book from the amount of information that i have now. They can't be trusted with guns and are constantly watched.
Their time of staying outside is being timed and watched all the time, which is pretty dam sad.
I feel as if i have pretty much control on what iw ant to do. I live outside alone, as long as i maintain my grades, i can do almost anything. Well, i don't drink i don't smoke and i certainly don't go clubbing, anything besides that, i can do.
I can decide what i want to eat everyday, when to start my work. I can decied when to sleep, what art i like to create. I can decide what kind of friend i want to have and when i want to go home. I get control over my sister so yeah, I'm living pretty dam well good. 

Journal 55: Public Speaking

i like public speaking alor actually since i liek to be in the center of attention. Standing on the stage kind of scares me since i don't have that much expierence to give like a well educated speech and stuff. I suppose just reading something on the stage like today's poetry contest is pretty easy since you just read a poem. However, if they could actually read their poem in a interesting manner like how the poets in one of the poet society show says them, that then would be extremely interesting and well appraised. I can't do that, im not manipulated enough and well experience in these really showy speeches. Im really afraid that people would thinkm im boring and fall asleep you know. That's one of the reason i screwed up my speech for vice president. Sigh, oh well, I'm not running for that again next year, too much work and people just won't listen to what i have to say. So~screw the presidency of the student council.
I really like performing in front of people, it makes me feel at ease since im really showy and acting alot of crap whenever i have time. It still nervous me though when i really have to do it in front of everybody. A sense of uncertainty regarding my performance will make me feel uneasy on the stage.

Journal 54: Nature’s Nature

Yes, nature is extremely nurturing and helpful but it is extremely fragile at the same time. Nature is like a human life, we are nurtured, sweet, smart, innovating and all that but fragile. Compare human beings to any animal, we have soft tender bodies. We have no claws or fur or nimble body that can do all kinds of crazy things. Nature is sweet and nurturing and can do all kinds of things, however it can also be easily destroyed. Nature grows and evolve and so does humans grow and evolve.
Nature care and makes human survival possible. In some ways nature nurtures human! Human nurture their babies and loved ones as well.
Nature creates, Humans creates as well. They are both fragile, but can be really like revolutionary, i really don't know the word im using. However, my point is that they can both create new things and evolve into something out of the norm in this world.
As the earth is slowly dying right now, the ability to transform and adapt is what is crucial. These two fragile beings have the most potential in changing and adapting.

Journal 53: Slanted Truth

the actual truth in life is sometimes hard for some people. For example, when your best friend's gf or bf is having an affair, you don't know if you should tell them the actual truth of not. The truth hurts, that's why Dickenson says that it should be released out for people slowly and slowly or else it will completely blind the people.
It's hard to define if its telling a lie or not, it blurs. You could tell the truth around it or say it in riddles but its still the truth. Unless you distorted what is actually being said, it shouldn't be considered as a lie.
I rather people tell me the truth. The faster you feel and know the pain the faster i can get over it. When you run around something in circles, it gets people curious and wondering. The suspicion rises and conflicts will happen.
In the role of the poem of telling truths in life and not relationship wises, tell it slant. Its like art movements, its takes time for a society to learn and adapt to the new style of art. For example is nudity and the subject of sex. Its a truth in life that sex is evident and people like it in life. Its a nature of life, however the people at this time period couldn't conceive it down as something simple and true. They thought it is exotic and disgusting.

Journal 51: Pessimism

She have a desperate and a sad sad life my friend. This is a period where women are looked down upon and basically have no rights. Dickenson completely excluded herself from the world outside and lived secluded from all things. Her poems are like a direct reflection of her life. She was never in a good relationship with a man, partly because she always fall in love for some older guys or something. She would be in sorrow and great pain looking at her loved ones be off somewhere else instead of being with her. Let us face it, she is not looking pretty at all.
I'm a optimistic person, I am not easily changed into a guy that thinks in a pessimistic way. I live with joy and happiness around people. I can make myself occupied with something fun to do or imagine a completely new adventure story i could be having and feel excited.
I get pessimistic when i have specific beverages, but aside from that, heart broken probably is the only thing that can make me pessimistic. The start of the year, everything collapsed like a domino on top of me and i was just completely overwhelmed by everything that happened. I couldn't take it at all and my heart burst into flames. I condemn couples, hated bros and question friends. I expected the worst from everything even when i was riding a elevator to be stuck. Nothing was working out for me at the start of the year man.