Journal 68: What’s His Problem?

im basically going to give a summary of what this story means to my perspective as a whole or with lines that i still remember because i find this story extremely interesting and i feel i could learn something from it cuz its so philosophical in some terms.
On the surface context, it eludes to Prufrock growing old, his not sure if he should try out something that is totally new. His afraid if he walks down the path (descending the staircase) the woman on top of the stair case would talk shit about him such as how his bold and how skinny he is.
In discussion of this part, its as if his crippled and weak. To find courage in challenging something brand new is frightening and quite mysterious or even dangerous for people. At Prufrock's age which i assume at this time is not so young since his bold is even more exciting and dangerous. There is saying that when someone tries something new, its as if his walking into a ocean tide, like a tsunami where the wind is strong, tide furious and his future a great unknown. I figure my way of thinking him walking into a huge wave of unknowns is the samw assumption in the later part of the story as he have his trousers high.
In other multiple senses, besides the story of him leaping into something new, the time period is a consideration.
He says that he is drowning in the bottom of ocean when his awake with the colorful things. His out in the surface in his sleep where he sees black and white. This time period is just after the colorful lives of the traditional paintings. Modernism is full of conceptual and expressionistic ideas that is unlike anything the past have ever seen. They cut away the glamorous and the pretty color to soemthing crazy and nto colorful. SOmetimes a piece of work could be a few simple color splached on top of the canvas. As for literature, i saw one of the poems in this time period in class. They cut out all the other lines into thin slabs of two lines. That was all it takes.
Rejection of the "More" quality is the trend of modernism, this might be alluding back to the ocean color theory that Prufrock was talking about.
All the other stuff i have said it in class about the society moving forward and he sees colleagues transforming while he stays the same.

Journal 67: The American Dream

bascically, i forgot all about the american dream back when the time i have U.S history. For the L.S Elliot story, i don't really see how that have to do with rejecting the traditional ideas. Actually, putting into some thoughts on concept wise, i think i kind of found what's new with this style.
THe American dream and modernism is a time that rejects the traditional. New things are being found such as in art. Expressionism was pushed into even more abstract terms that eventually ended up with a whole new category called Modern Art.
Art was thought as more concept wise. The representation can mean many things but what is the fundamental idea that is bwhind the artwork? that is what was important. Art in the 20th century promoted people and wanted people to think.
I figured this story we're reading right now did made alot of people think. Like me, i was suddenly interested at it once i understand he used. Since this jumping out of reality and taking a leap was a idea that concerning my mind for so long, this story was a push for me to think about new things.

Journal 66: Better Things?

frantically, i agree. I could see the ideas behind her words and questioning if the advance of technology really did brought men forward in society. We're moving so fast and so many things can take care of our concerns that alot of the qualities at that time was forgotten. If it is not forgotten, then it is that we have no place to demonstrate that quality.
For example, courage. How do we demonstrate courage in nowadays? i really have no idea. In the old times, we could probably face a bear in a jungle alone. Now? we get to face a dragon in video games or cars in the streets. So where did all the bears went? dead, driven away deeper and deeper in the woods and eventually we never see them again.
Then we have the fact that technology have shortened the attention span of modern kids. I can even feel that kids nowadays are getting dumber and duller. Why? i walk around the lower school back in my old school and i see kids holding a itouch or psp playing games the whole time. All you have to do is take a hand held device and sit down the whole time. What happened to sports? thinking creatively for new games with nature? running and catching bugs? none. All of this was taken away by technology. Technology is so big and conveniant in the 21th century that have forced people to become dull in sense, dull in mind, and dull in heart. They have abandoned the interaction with nature and thinking. They took up handheld devices that asks them to sit down in a chair doing nothing but clicking buttons.
People in the ancient times didn't have all thses devices to do their works for them. They had to think out of the box and use their actual hands to try out and experiment with different things. That, promoted learning and critical thinking. These psp and itouch games doesn't. If you say that they promote fast thinking through playing games, i wouldn't agree. I beleive that a week in the wilderness can sharpen your senses. A month in the wilderness taught you life lessons. Appreciation for life, physical strength and a healthy mind. I believe in the romantic heroes not because of the beautiful characteristics, that's too much idealization. I admire those things because it is what actually will be useful in life and the environment at that time actually sharpen a person's whole body.
What would be best i believe now, is to have the same free thinking concepts and conceptual philosophy of the 21st century and a combination of pure nature. That, would most likely bring a totally new human race as the physical reality challenges people while our mindsets are free .

Journal 64: A Reprieve

totally did, the escape to reality idea i had it all along. I will repeat myself again, i am a man of total freedom, i dont believe that anything can hold me back for doing something. Why? probably because i was rasied that way i suppose. My mom and dad taught me to be independent and do everything myself, simply because alot of times my mom would let me down. Well thats another side factor, mainly because they taught me to be independent.
After numerous times of failed extreme friendship, i became more and more isolated and stick to my own ways of doing things. I could sense the change in me myself. My interaction with people could be easy and smooth, but to go too in depth is something i decided to avoid. Its not that i'am afraid to get hurt or that kind of crap, its that i find it better to stay just knowing, that way you won't feel embarassed or annoyed by some of my other actions. Better for me, better for you
So back to the topic, funny, i was thinking about isolation this weekend. I was imagining what my 18th birthday would be like. Host a party in a motel? go out with a few friends? watch a movie?
No. What i really wanted to do lately, is to jump on a scooter. A harley davidson size scooter of my art teacher's and ride the coastline all the way to nanliao and drink some coffee alone. Enjoying the day all by myself, having a adventure of my own self and thinking about things. Life, what i want to do, stare into space and just enjoy music or meet someone new when im traveling.
its really  quite simpler to go out to the coastline and just ride and feel the wind without needing to say anything. You can chill, not afraid of any awkardness between people. I can stare into space and think about life. Im serious, i think deep nowadays. I might be young but i think about these philosophic things alot. I find it quite, captivating and interesting as i think about it more, the more it makes sense to me.
I want isolation at my 18th birthday, riding out on my own and just relax. Stroll away from art, stroll away from family, stroll away from highschool stroll away from everything and just think about life and enjoy time alone.

Journal 63: On Impulse

Well, i kind of have lots of impulse in lots of times. Either it is a buying impulse or like a adolesence sex impulse, which this happens alot of times. For example, you walked down the street and you see this very slutty girl showing off her ass or her boobs in a very showy manner. I just want to run up to her and pull her pants off or rip her shirt in half and feast on those tasty missiles. Things like this happens to me all the time. 

There are also impulses such as beating someone up you know. You walk down the street, someone just look really really unappealing to you walks y you and i just hate them so much i wish i could wipe them off the face of the earth. 

There are also some other times where Julius would do something really retarded where he knows i hate him and not found of him and he would do something that shows asif we're bros. I would slap his arm off and say F off, he would go like bitch... Those are the moments where i will go full burst and beat the crap out of him. 

His retarded comments most of the time really can piss me off to the absolute anger point. That, is something im trying to hold back. 

Journal 61: Mystery of Heroism

so yeah, the guy killed himself.
there is no set definition for the word heroism. The definition varies from person to person. I beleive a hero is one who is unrestrained of their emotions and do what's right. However the thing is, the characterisitics changes for different situations. You might be a hero with this specific mind set of yours at this time, but when it comes to another time, you're not so much a hero anymore. You might even be consider a fool. Another fact or idea behind the idea of heroism is the purpose of one's heroic actions. Your mind and what you motivation is might determine the fact of if you will be consider a hero.

Fred Collin started with just wanted to drink water. With the idea and stupid mind of the other people, he became more compelled to run out there and get some water for himself. Crowd efffect does have a influential effect on him i believe. The pressure that his getting from his comrades pushed him to run out there to get water. Its like he did a dare to get water by running himself through the valley of death.

I try to be a hero in various situations. I might wanted to lead a team or help people. however, i dont know why, they consider me as an joke where i did all the things that was asked for. When someone else do exactly the things i did, they were consider a hero or a fantastic figure. This is totally SHIT, absolultely shit that i hate when they do something like this. I dont understand the logic behind the idea that i can do things for free and good but not be praised or considered a hero. Then some other fucker comes in and do the same work i did and they got all the praise of the good guy. I hated that feeling, it makes me wanna kill everyone in the world and yell fuck you bitch. this reaction of the people is slowly pushing me off sane and i dont really want to help and be the hero anymore.
this is exactly why i feel extremely tired around people in the schools specially our class. I retreated from most of the presences because the girls in our class are seriously just a bunch of selfish cock sucking son of a bitches. I give up, i truly am, i've decided to sit back and watch the world burn if it realy happens. These fews years of experience have melted all my faith in young people. they are selfish, unconcerning, judgemental, and i could list off a whole bunch of things that i hate about these girls and people my age. I'm done communicating with these small minded creatures.

Journal 59: A Change of Heart

With the war going on, i think no one had the heart to look at all that nature anymore. Looking at the pictures, its quite evident that people are focusing their view on the war and the harsh life. The workers conditions are being shown and the racial differences might be implied as well? Not sure. The factory and nature was no longer something that was debated anymore, instead people put their focus on hard labor. From what i learned in Art history, the people focused on the class difference. Realism look at the hard side of life, trying to show and give people an idea what is the actual world.
Gritty and dirty brushstrokes covered the canvas for the sense of dirty and actual life. Nothing was idealized and innocence in life anymore. Lots of artists point the class difference where the rich are occupying and the poor had such harsh life. They begin wanting a change in life.
I reckoned that in poetry or literature, it will shift the focus into war stories and what a battle and bleeding is like. Besides the bleeding and nature of war, i think it will also put focus on describing the poor's situation in a sort of narrative feeling.